Long Distance Best Friends (9284 views)

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  • Mine just basically "broke up" with me and I feel really weird. We were best friends in Seattle and she's furious with me that I'm not coming to Seattle this July like planned. She even deleted me on Myspace.

    Now what do I do?
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  • I can't afford to. I have no money saved to do anything.
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  • a real best friend would understand that
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  • SHE DELETED YOU FROM MYSPACE?!
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  • and your best friend is mad at you over that? pffft, lame.
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  • Anthony, stop :(
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  • god damn! My best friend lives in LA....I need to call her actually.
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  • give it a few days. true, a real best friend would understand that.
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  • And now I'm crying. I feel so sad and empty. This really feels like a break up.
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  • oh, that's ridiculous.
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  • Aw honey :(

    She's probably just disappointed that you're not coming so she's taking it out on you. I'd wager that she'll come around.
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  • white_trash posted this on July 17th, 2008 @ 3:25:10 pm
    SHE DELETED YOU FROM MYSPACE?!

    OH.

    MY.

    GOD.











































    ::jerk off hand motion::
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  • Sorry.

    I still don't understand girls.
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  • gackandcheese posted this on July 17th, 2008 @ 3:27:14 pm
    sometimes people grow apart.


    I've been feeling this way for a while. We lead to separate lives. Since I've gotten sober, things have changed a lot. She doesn't seem to care about my progress.
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  • my two closest/oldest friends live in LA and atlanta, respectively. it's hard but we keep in touch by email/text messages/phone calls. we haven't grown apart though - we have known each other for 16 years (LA) and 14 years (atlanta).
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  • also if she is pulling this bullshit drama with you then she isn't a very good friend for understanding that YOU HAVE NO MONEY!!!
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  • I've known Kaitlin for 3 years now. And I love her and miss her to death. But we have grown apart. And it sucks. I try so hard to stay on top of our friendship. This.. really fucking hurts.
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  • "breaking up with" a friend is never not a ridiculously overdramatic bs thing to do, unless you actually did something terrible to her.
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  • it sounds like she is a controlling and manipulative bitch, but also she is probably super disappointed that you can't make it out there but what can you do! you have no $$$! some people express themselves in very immature/childish manners.


    also if she doesn't support your sobriety then that's a problem.
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  • "This.. really fucking hurts."


    AHAHHAHA THAT ELIPSE!


    This... ::zoom in:: really hurts.
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  • i am going through some really similar shit. except nobody's breaking up with anyone. it's really fucking awkward and i have no idea why she's not supporting my sobriety when i still get wilder than all her other friends.
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  • because it makes her feel uncomfortable about her own drinking, maybe
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  • I just got 2 jobs and I'm finally going to be able to pay off my debt and save money to travel. I'm going to be working 6 - 7 days a week. And I told her I'd come in September or October but she wasn't having it.

    She supports my sobriety, she just doesn't care. I tell her I'm 7 months sober and she says, "Oh okay." It's so weird.
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  • brooklyn_ael posted this on July 17th, 2008 @ 3:25:43 pm
    god damn! My best friend lives in LA....I need to call her actually.


    mine too. and ditto
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  • like when one friend gets awkward when another friend loses weight or gets into a serious relationship. i think its a weird type of feeling abandoned.
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  • That too! She's ALWAYS in a serious relationship. New guy ever 5 - 7 months. And the second she gets into one, I don't hear from her for a month or two. And then problems start and she calls me everyday.
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  • Colonial Wburg posted this on July 17th, 2008 @ 3:33:19 pm
    "This.. really fucking hurts."


    AHAHHAHA THAT ELIPSE!


    This... ::zoom in:: really hurts.




    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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  • well roxy maybe she doesn't know what to say about your sobriety - i mean when i went through my stints on the wagon, my friends (who are probably somewhat older and possibly more mature and have seen me go through some serious shit while drinking) were very positive about it, though some people were like "you're not an alcoholic, you're just bored"

    anyway it could be she just doesn't know how to say "GOOD JOB, keep it up, i'm here for you"
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  • white_trash posted this on July 17th, 2008 @ 3:28:01 pm
    Sorry.

    I still don't understand girls.



    i don't think it's a girl thing as much as a shitty thing
    anyway this is silly
    i can't imagine a sane person actually being angry over this. upset, yeah, but not angry at you.
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  • yeah, genie, you're on to something there. i will always love her but this emotional withdrawal shit is injurious as hell. i worry she thinks i'm boring now that i've stopped "acting out" by trying to kill myself on the daily. little does she know i've become a serial killer instead!
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  • gee someone who wants you to kill yourself on the daily cannot be a good friend!!!
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  • She recently went through a really shitty situation (getting pregnant) and I didn't know what to do. I couldn't do much because I wasn't in Seattle to help her through it. I wasn't around over the weekend and she was angry with me for not picking up my phone. It's so petty. This is so fucking stupid.
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  • sometimes, people hate it when their friends try to improve/succeed because it makes them feel inferior or some shit. it's that whole schadenfreude thing
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  • its passive-aggressive and punishing, even if she doesnt realize she's doing it. maybe if there is a diplomatic way to point it out....
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  • whoah well wait, getting pregnant is a huuuuuge deal. TMI but i wrote off my best friend of 16 years for a good six or seven months (that hurt so badly too) because i had "a procedure" and she didn't know what to say or do, but her grandmother (who'd raised her) had also just passed. it took the death of a mutual friend to bring us back together.
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  • I told her she was being passive-aggressive and unreasonable and the second I said that, she deleted me on myspace. WTF
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  • because thats what is called non-therapeutic communication skills. its namecalling.
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  • She had "a proceudre" as well, Selena. And I called her the day before and told her I loved her. That's all I could really say.
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  • although since youre dealing with a friend and not a psych patient, give it some time as maybe she got pissed because she knows youre right.
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  • i'm with W_T on this one.
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  • well that's as much as you can do from here. call her, tell her you're there for her, blah blah. what she's doing is probably not just bc you're not going to make it out there now but also from some residual hurt or whatever that she hasn't told you about. give her a few days, give her a call, tell her you love her, miss her, that you're probably going to try and get to seattle in the fall, that she's more than welcome to visit you, etc etc.

    sometimes it just takes a few days of sulking before someone realizes they're being overly reactionary
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  • discongeniality posted this on July 17th, 2008 @ 3:49:37 pm
    because thats what is called non-therapeutic communication skills. its namecalling.


    absolutely correct. that is inefficient communication.
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  • also let me be the first to say i am usually the one who "lets down" her friends because i'm a flake or too wrapped up in my own emotional/mental problems so...
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  • Thanks, Selena.
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  • Or at least the part where you tell a bunch of strangers on a public messageboard about her abortion.
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  • no prob, rox. i'm great with advice. i just suck at taking it :)
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  • Colonial Wburg posted this on July 17th, 2008 @ 3:53:53 pm
    Or at least the part where you tell a bunch of strangers on a public messageboard about her abortion.

    gjaklsd;
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  • hahahahahaha
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  • Hahaha, I appreciate it. This is such a weird situation. This growing apart has been happening for a few months now and it just blew up. I wish I had the funds to go out to Seattle next week, but I don't.
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  • roxylola posted this on July 17th, 2008 @ 3:37:21 pm
    That too! She's ALWAYS in a serious relationship. New guy ever 5 - 7 months.

    Hahahhaha SERIOUS. "I SWEAR, WITH A NEW GUY EVERY 5 MONTHS, SHE'LL BE MARRIED ANY DAY NOW"
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  • do you make it a point to make contact with her regularly?
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  • I talk to her almost everyday, either calling her or emailing her.
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  • so you still were in contact with her after she had the abortion? no one can expect you to know what to say, but i mean, its not like you stopped talking to her because of not knowing what to say? thats not something to stop being friends over :(
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  • She called me the day after but I wasn't near my phone. By the time I saw she called, it was too late to call her. She tends to over-react more than me (unbelievable, right?).
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  • she's probably just upset... i've had a few friends bitch at me for never calling them back but we don't fight if i can't visit them.
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  • Like, it was 4am my time and 1am Seattle time and I knew she would be sleeping. And I didn't call her the next day because I was working. THIS IS SO STUPID!
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  • oh i am thanking my lucky stars for my bff. shit if i had the monies i would turn unemployment into FUNemployment and fly to minneapolis!

    boo
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  • she sounds depressed and unhappy with her own life and looking for outside sources of comfort/something to look forward to and probably is taking out her unhappiness with you because you, in a sense, took that away from her.
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  • roxylola posted this on July 17th, 2008 @ 4:04:13 pm
    Like, it was 4am my time and 1am Seattle time and I knew she would be sleeping. And I didn't call her the next day because I was working. THIS IS SO STUPID!


    this is honestly the best situation for text messages.
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  • She can't text and she can only talk on weekends due to her being broke and not paying her phone bill. She flips out on me when I text her. It's lame.
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  • my bf lives in philly and would never be pissed i couldnt come to her. why cant she come to bk why is it all on u?
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  • roxylola posted this on July 17th, 2008 @ 4:04:13 pm
    THIS IS SO STUPID!
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  • if any of my friends ever wrote about my abortion on a messageboard, i would:

    1) totes de-myspace them & $tuFF

    2) rejoice in the realization that i'm not fat, i'm just pregnant
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  • sweetwillis posted this on July 17th, 2008 @ 4:10:56 pm
    my bf lives in philly and would never be pissed i couldnt come to her. why cant she come to bk why is it all on u?

    She came to visit last time, which was last summer. And she had the most miserable time ever because I was at the height of my alcoholism.
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  • it's not an abortion, it's a procedure.
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  • well if there is nothing you can do that is i. i would be a little annoyed if after a year my friend could not save the money to see me.
    just let her cool down and try to talk to her later.
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  • sometimes it ends up not being possible to have money to travel.
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  • my best friend just told me she couldnt come visit me in august as planned because shes too broke (recently laid off out of nowhere.)

    My response?.....I bought her ticket for her. Because I love her and know she's having a hard time. But if I hadn't been able to do that I would NEVER have berated her or been mad at her for not coming (and we havent seen eachother in almost 2 years! although we talk every day) I treat her like I would treat my sister.
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  • Girlfoundhere, you're an awesome friend and I wish my best friend was more like you.
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  • my best friends have each bought me tickets to visit them when i wasn't working/had not enough $$$ or whatever
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  • it's hard to end friendships.

    but sometimes it needs to happen.
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  • hope you didn't tell them you blow your $$$ on per se tasting menus!
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  • haha "i am totally broke, i can barely even afford bar masa any more"
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  • i must be really intolerant. at the first sign of needy bitchy princessy behavior, i'm so done with the friendship...
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  • aw shaddap this was a few years ago when i was making considerably less money and eating at m shanghai or lodge. :(
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  • do you eat out every night?
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  • for the most part, yes, i don't like to cook for just myself. it's depressing and lonely. when i lived with my then-bf i'd cook pretty much every night.

    if i do eat at home it's like, a can of soup, but lately i've been into making a lot of soba or udon or tofu dishes with fresh vegetables and stuff.
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  • the only experience I have with this is go on and let the crazy ones drift away. it hurts, but it's a blessing. friends who can't support your sobriety are clearly too caught up in their own shit to realize it's not about them

    I only lost a couple friends after I got sober, but my life is certainly better without them
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  • yeah even though i did not stay sober i still got rid of some bad eggs that were not interested in what was best for me. its hard but it all works out.
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  • from the gawker messages about this thread:

    " It was exactly like listening to Paris Hilton and Jeff Spicoli discuss Judith Butler."

    amazing
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  • gawker's obsession with williamsboard creeps me out. because the gawker media sites are, essentially, MESSAGEBOARDS THEMSELVES. jaysus.
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  • people love making fun of hipsters. if they only knew that they weren't real anymore.
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  • because the people who read gawker are toby keith lovin' redstaters?
    el oh el
    this anti-hipster thing is as embarrassing and over-simplified as when my mom says she "can't stand that 'rap crap'" every time hip hop comes on the radio
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  • wow how did they know i love talking about judy butler
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  • roxylola posted this on July 17th, 2008 @ 3:35:38 pm
    She supports my sobriety, she just doesn't care. I tell her I'm 7 months sober and she says, "Oh okay." It's so weird.


    Roxy. You know I love you and everything. This is just one aspect of you that I don't understand. I haven't done anything other than smoke pot in my life and the last two times were 2 years ago and in 9th grade, respectively. When someone offers me a joint and I tell them I don't smoke they usually say "Oh. Okay." And that's fine by me. You should be personally happy yourself about your decision (which I know you are). Everything else is just background.

    That said- Gawkers obsession with the board is that people on the board keep submitting links (Selena. Eliz. I'm looking at you --but not because of this thread--).
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  • wow at all of this. i regret making this thread.
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  • I'd like to take this opportunity to advertise my DJ night at Purple Headed Butt Pirate on the corner of Marcy and East Habermeyer


    DJ GOITER FROM OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE AGAIN (with DJ PILLED FUCKING GOITER HOLDER)

    http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1312/977806792_6334abf47c.jpg
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  • man gawker can suck a fart out of my ass, or the next tampon that gets stuck in my twat
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  • heh, pilled goiter holder.
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  • HAHAHAHAHA. "pilled fucking goiter holder" is some of your finest work, catherine.
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  • oh dip, wait a minute


    BOULEVARD TAVERN PRESENTS

    SATURDAY NIGHT METAL
    WITH DJ WHITE TRASH

    THE BEST OF CLASSIC METAL, DEATH METAL, BLACK METAL, THRASH AND HARDCORE

    SATURDAY AUGUST 2ND 10PM

    $5 BUD AND SHOT OF JACK
    $5 ALL YOU CAN EAT BARBECUE!
    MENTION GAWKER AND GET FREE TATER TOTS AND WATERMELON!


    BOULEVARD TAVERN IS LOCATED AT 579 MEEKER AVENUE, BETWEEN NORTH HENRY AND MONITOR STREETS IN GREENPOINT!
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  • lOOOOOOOl
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  • HAI GUYZ I JUST HEARD ABOUT THIS PARTY WITH MAD CELEBZ. BRANGELINA'S AGENT JUST CALLED. BRANGELINA WILL BE ROLLING THROUGH AROUND MIDNIGHT. KEEP IT ON THE D.L. THANX
    http://a915.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/40/l_336a3689abeb6567e8235c955368fff2.jpg
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  • i did not read through this thread, but my best friend lives in portland, or. he moved away about 11 years ago and we still talk every week and are still bfffl!
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  • i usually drop all of my friends every two years or so...
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  • i didnt submit this, i just read it. also holy LOL if i were that girl had had an abortion i'd find the money to fly to bklyn to throttle whoever posted it

    also the barista referenced in the comments of the gawker post is the one who most often submits threads to gawker ;)
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  • the gawker comments were funny until someone admitted to having dating pcd and i was like D:

    " chatnoir at 08:35 PM on 07/17/08
    Reply by Email
    *

    i dated a barista/career AA member who was constantly on williamsboard. his crowning achievement was creating a membership for the aborted fetus of a girl he disliked. "
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  • i read on gawker that this thread is about the unborn dead
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  • also roxy you're not factoring in that her hormone levels are all outta whack right now. it's just not a good time to Tell Her Like It Is. you are fighting forces greater than logic.
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  • who wants to punch?
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  • oh. and where does this "gawker" operate from? it's like, at least, an LLC right?
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  • its prob col wburg who sent it
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  • I'm whining about being poor? I think not.
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  • you're all missing the point.


    ROXY- never use selena as a guideline for appropriate information to put on a messageboard.
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  • aw nuts, twigs
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  • NoWAY posted this on July 18th, 2008 @ 4:26:08 am
    its prob col wburg who sent it


    Nope. Don't read gawker!
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  • also i haven't read gawker in about five years. that shit got boring.
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  • "all the way around, makes me glad not to know any of them; a viper's pit over there"
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  • gawker radically changed in the past couple years. it used to be bitchy media insiders, now it's conservative middle american losers, and the stories they're interested in.
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  • yeah when i was reading about CNP's bathrooms it was entertaining.
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  • hahaha, come on selena! you're a bit of an oversharer to say the least.
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  • i know, i know, twiggy! hahahahaha
    wait 'til you see my next thread which i am making now...
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